An Eye-earning Remembrance

March 12, 2015

Dear Reader,

Today I ironed some of my husband’s shirts. Yes, today I ironed a flannel. It had wrinkles. Who wants to grab their shirt out of the closet and have to pull out the iron and the ironing board? Not I. Although, I think I'll stick to organizing, as I melted the second shirt and left a lovely triangular iron mark smack dab on the front. Shhhh...he'll never notice. :)

Well, I’m not much of an ironer. Never have been. This day, something inside of me just wanted to iron. 

During my first year or so of marriage I went on an interview for a house cleaning position at a beautiful ocean side home in Marblehead. I remember the woman of the house asking, given my credentials, why I was applying for this position. At the time I thought it was obvious, I needed a paycheck and I was good at organizing, and whistling while I worked. A bachelor’s degree in liberal arts doesn’t give too much direction in terms of career choice anyhow. My mind needed exploration! Anyway, after she told me to take my shoes off before entering her living room, followed by her list of do’s and don’ts, including “when doing the dishes I do not wish for you to socialize with the children.” As I was sitting on her living room chair, wearing my mismatched socks, listening to her requests, she then asked,

 “So, how are your ironing skills?”...

 I declined the position.

Whatever label I choose that helps me accept who I am and what I do, mom, wife, home maker, I didn’t apply for these positions. They just happened. When I was 18 my future involved a lot of me’s and I’s. I didn’t have the capacity to imagine where I am today. Yet here I am living it. Ironing shirts in the middle of the day, taking pictures of the food I cook, and living to write about it. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Another day of life, another day of moments to enjoy, another day to choose to 

Rest In The Nest.

- Me

SAME LOVE, as yesterday, today and forever... (in response to the song “Same Love”)

“your rights have been stolen”

What do you think your rights are? 
based on what?

You and I both came from the dust.

Gay or straight
Love all or HAte,
we all face the same age old fate...

One day our eyes will close--
you write LIVE ON! just be yourself...

Well woe unto you, you’re a blasphemer of truth.
You will die one day, and your message will too...

“and I can’t change, even if I tried, even if I wanted to”
well where is the hope in that...oh you mean strictly for homosexuals?
We are all born with wrong desires in our hearts. 
It was mommy who taught me good,
with a hope that bad behavior would depart. 
At three mom and pop don’t have to teach you to
say no, to take what isn’t yours,
it’s in you, in me, in all of us
our hearts are all deceitful,
and wicked to START

You sing 
“love is patient, love is kind”...isn’t that the truth? 
You realize you paraphrase the Bible right, the one you mentioned
penned by men,
written some 3500 years ago..isn’t that what you said
You do know who wrote that right?
Paul, once name Saul...look into that story
and see how God’s love won’t demand,
but PRODUCES a change in us all.

I am certain you will admit
you are anything but perfect,
it’s hard to find a life that is,
there was but One,
who came as a man, who suffered all things
it’s a familiar story, but put YOUR NAME 
in its purpose, A man name Jesus Christ
came to die for MACKLEMORE AND LEWIS (insert your name here,)

to show me He suffered, as you and I all do,
who hurt, feel afraid, confused, misguided in our ways,
He indeed felt it all, he let our sins crucify Him,
as real Justice for All.

Satan and all his demons could never do what had been done,
so they work day and night,
through the song you have sung,
to confound this profound truth,
that God did not really die for you,
nor was raised from the dead,

but He did and He is living,
with a love for all mankind
to believe he died for me, for you, 
for haters, for murderers,
for idolaters, for thieves, for blasphemers, for adulterers, liars and cheats

The true message of love
right here for the taking, no holy water needed,
no man to man confessing
Christ Jesus is looking upon our hearts
to redeem our wicked ways,
to accept his Love, gay or straight,
without justifying our own ways

we take one good look
at the state of all our hearts, and it takes
no great psychologist, nor therapist
to unwittingly admit
we are all wicked, frail, and unfit...
but in and through Christ we can become so much more
we truly can LIVE ON 
through that amazing grace so many artists have sung,
where my chains are gone, I’ve been set free,
sins curse has lost its grip on me,
the Same Love that was poured out
when Christ hung upon that tree, 
is the SAME age old LOVE song that longs
to set all men free.

Hope in that!

Battlefield Of The Mind

I have this inner desire for self satisfaction that sometimes screams to be heard 

but is often silenced. 

Lurking shadows of distant clouds, seemingly still, hover over this neighborhood

I stare out my window, trying to connect the disconnectedness of experiences and freedoms that I no longer have the luxury of accessing. 

It's this frightful reality, freezing my body, as my eyes stay fixed on an object no longer in focus, 

all sounds become noise,

thoughts are moving hastily, spiking as they beat heavily upon my heart, 

and then, just as soon as the haze had struck, 

the desire flatlines. 

Voiceless prayers I now project, 

exclaiming aloud, as self loses another battle to the mind.

Digitally Damned

Technology devices are such a pain

as if I lack any room in my brain

I’ve stored lots of memories, pictures too

still so much space, it can’t ever get full...

yet i bought a computer to spread out my thoughts

to see what i think, and learn how to crop

to pull from the old, and upload the new

download cool things like guitar band and itunes

but then comes the day when your devices will say

“start up disk is full” “memory has reached its' maximum stay”

                    A. K. A.

buy ANOTHER device

with more storage space...that will suffice,

external hard drive, or usb port

hate to break it to ya,
 but those will fill up

and nothing will work

your camera’s card is full so you go to download pics on comp

but the hard drive is full and you can’t get anything to co-op

you resort to the phone cam, which also reads full,

that cute little thing that Susie Q will do,

will be something she did

with no way to share

and no proof that you cared

just a fleeting moment the wind took on its’ sails

as the mind lost another moment

to memory...

DIGITAL FAIL.

"The Bare Necessities"

"Let your character be free from love of money and craving for earthly possessions and be satisfied with your present circumstances and with what you have; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down. Assuredly not!"

 - Hebrews 13:5

 Given all the recent catastrophes that have happened in various places of our planet, and will continue to happen, it got me thinking about survival (especially when catastrophe strikes close to home). I sometimes think if there were ever an emergency situation and I had seconds to gather the things that were of most importance, where would I begin? Well, obviously I would swiftly reach for my Macbook, then my child, and hope that my husband had some amazing plan for defeating and escaping whatever it was that was a threat. 

hardy har har. 

Eh, I suppose I can leave my laptop behind.

In all seriousness though, our basic needs as humans are:

1. water
2. food
3. shelter

That is really it. I'd also like to add, having common sense, and the sheer will to survive will probably add to the likelihood that you, me, he, she, them, or they (Fido and Freckles possibly) will at least have a fighting chance at getting out ALIVE! Else, it's all up to our ticking time clocks being wound and unwound by an omnipotent force, greater than any survival scheme we can possibly muster. Yet, amidst the seemingly chaotic crisis' there is always a calming option, an attainable release that us humans can rely on when strength is gone, and circumstances are beyond our control, and that is our incredible ability to hope.

Somedays I strive to get out of the house to just get out, I'll shmooze around in stores, look at things I think I want, but don't really need, and at the end of the day feel as if all the thoughts in my mind started with these words

I need

I want

I need

I want and ugh...

 How unsatisfying, and unrealistic. My basic needs are all met, and I should be able to rest in that alone. Having the ability to rest in ANY circumstance, BAD or GOOD, is an empowering thought. My God says he will never leave me, so today I take comfort in that...

and in Baloo for singing to me this morning, and thank you Terry Gilkyson for writing this song "The Bare Necessities", it has helped to shed some light on my present circumstance.

It's November, a month many choose to let each other know what they are thankful for. It's a good practice, I'd like to do it more often. So today I'm thankful for circumstance and all that I have.

"The Bare Necessities"

A Memory

       It’s June, fire is crackling, and I'm sitting out back of this old house, which has undergone quite a few renovations in recent years. Some people say my grandfather would be rolling in his grave at all that has changed. I always think about him, wondering what he would think of me. I like to think that I am like him in some ways. The ways I remember him anyway. Although most of my fondest memories with him were when he was in a wheelchair, unable to form sentences. Those years living with him affected me to my core, shaping my character still to this very day. 
      I have small glimpses of being with him when I was young, before the stroke. When we would visit from Maryland I remember the house here. The gray shingles and blue shutters, the rose bushes, and rock walls...and good ole Grandpa, shirtless, in his tattered flannel jeans, doing what he did best...tending to his yard. I remember the inside of his house and how it smelled. Pine sol, black licorice and the welcoming scent of his wood stove.I remember his candy tin sitting on the living room table, it was blue, green, red and yellow, and always had a fresh supply of gummy worms. I think I have inherited his sweet tooth, and I’m okay with that. 

        The living room housed a bright green rug, and floor length vintage drapes covered the windows. There was a couch that leaned against a half wall with see through shelving taking you into the den. The shelves held trinkets, and if memory serves me correct, I remember mini glass figurines of naked natives, and glass birds. He had a rotary phone and I loved moving the dial from 0 to 9, just to hear the noise it made     thhhhdt...dt dt dt dt dt dt dt. An enjoyable methodical buzzing noise of sorts. I remember every detail about this room, but the image that remains most clear was a great big painting of a sea scape. 
       Along the shore a piece of driftwood lay next to the portrait of the back side of a man,      with magnificent white hair, standing slightly tilted, with hands loosely held behind his back, wearing a light blue velour looking shirt and ragged jeans, with a handkerchief peeking from the back pocket. 
                              It was Grandpa alright, gazing off into the tides. 
       The painting is still hanging in our house. On occasion I will still stop and stare. A moment so unique someone felt it necessary to portray. What was it about this man? What held his gaze? What was in the tides? 

          A silent observer amiss the crashing waves left only to wonder...
          And tonight he leaves me to remember things which I ought never to forget.

"Beached By Time and Tide"

Trash to Treasure: Ode to the Zebra

So I took my 2 year old to the circus. The book, Water for Elephants was fresh on my mind as I had recently read it (well the beginning, part of the middle, and then the end), and it served to shed a whole new light on my experience at the circus.On the out skirts of the tent opening were the camels and zebras, and to the far right were 2 elephants. It must have been ten years since I have seen a zebra face to face. It seemed so odd to see this exotic animal in a small space, behind a rope, standing next to a camel, with a pile of mulch underfoot. 
              A truly beautiful animal not meant for tent displays. Anyhow, as the show began, I attempted to mute out my son shouting "mama, mama, byeeee byeee". He was not a fan of sitting in his carriage in a dark and humid tent..amidst the screams I observed the animals, just enough to feel sorry for them. I watched as the ring master cast his whip, snagging the back side of the beautiful mammals to get them to simply run around in a circle. To avoid an overdramatic blog post supposedly focusing on a mirror project, I'll be brief... the sight was saddening.
          After a silent ode to the zebra's and a witty game of peek-a-boo with an elephant, I departed from the tent and headed on home. Sooo I apparently had circus animals on the mind hence the mirror design. Hope you enjoy!

BEFORE                                       

AFTER

Supplies: 

• a mirror
• black paint
• white sharpie paint marker
• paint brush
• wooden zebra
• glue gun